I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
