It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
