I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
