i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
