my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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