Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
