i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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