I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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