My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
