There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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