every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
