hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
