420 ftw
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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