great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
