Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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