im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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