i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
being pregnant is like rehab
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
