people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
