my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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