If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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