Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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