Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
