I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
