he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
