I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
