i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
