when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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