I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
