holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
