I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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