my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
