I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Life is so much better after having sex.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
