I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
