i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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