You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If I die, sorry about rent.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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