Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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