is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
