Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
