weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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