Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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