There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
