when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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