I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
