Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
