Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
