Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
