the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
