We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
