im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
