Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
