bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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